War of the Worlds 2 Episode 3 Recap: Don’t You Cry No More!

Welcome back, Challenge Fans, glad you’re still here. Congrats to whoever had “week 3” in their local office pool for the Team USA’s betrayal of… Team USA. 

Georgia gets back to the house pretty proud of her elimination win, and it’s got to feel a lot better than the “taped to a chair” elimination win from last season. Nobody won on that day y’all. Nobody.

I love Leroy’s strategy of not cheering for the other team during an elimination. While they’re at it, Team USA should dress like Goose and Maverick from Top Gun at every single elimination as well. (If Bear’s current girlfriend is reading this – that is a reference you won’t get) This is a good episode for sweet Leroy… but more on that in a minute. Wes mentions that they should throw in a member of Team UK “as much as humanly possible”, or to put it less dramatically, every week. If your ‘Peter Tingle’ was going off about Wes during that Team USA meeting, congrats! You’ve watched this show before. (That joke was meant to make up for potentially confusing Bear’s girlfriend. See, I’m nice!) The team elects Josh as the Speaker if they win, and he says, and I quote, “yeah I’m down. I think the shot is clear. We’re going for the strongest players.”

**insert your favorite YIKES gif here y’all**

Jogan reminds us they’re besties, because boys who get their eyebrows threaded together, stay together.

I refuse to comment on the feet situation with Laurel and Bear because, gross. They make out in a bathroom, which is fitting because I’d like to flush this entire storyline down the toilet, take a scalding hot shower, and forget it ever happened.

Welcome everyone to the “Leroy Becomes A Man” Ceremony! In a conversation with Ashley, Leroy mentions that maybe he needs to do some politicking outside of just teaming up with Bananas and I gave him a 5 minute standing ovation like they do for the President during The State of the Union.

Team UK has a team meeting that goes the most Team UK way imaginable. (Sidebar, why is Bear’s face filthy?) Alliances within teams come to a head, and poor CT is still trying to figure out what the f*ck he’s even doing here. Bear’s reasoning for wanting to be the Speaker for Team UK is actually not that stupid. He says he’ll have the blood on his hands for sending Wes in, and if Team UK was actually concerned with being a team, they’d hear him out. However, Joss and Rogan are on Wes’ payroll, so Idris gets nominated in a vote that won’t matter. I momentarily feel bad for Bear here, he just wants to be taken seriously… but when you date someone who can’t even be considered for the Varsity Cheerleading squad and has to go out for JV, this is what happens.

This soapy hamster wheel challenge is another mix of physical capability, problem solving, puzzles, etc. I’ve enjoyed the dailies so far this season, they’re entertaining and well crafted. Oh, and “Carry on Wayward Son” continues this season’s tradition of an awesomely nostalgic soundtrack.

Long story short, Team USA doesn’t so great here. Zach pukes though, so that’s fun. Bananas appears to do a good job of somewhat patiently leading the team, and Turbo is sad for hamsters. My God, please just continue to pay this guy whatever his quote is so he’ll keep coming back. Cut the soundtrack budget if you have to. Hashtag PAY TURBO.

“How many Americans does it take to unlock a padlock”, Georgia asks. I don’t know Georgia, how many selfies of a white woman in black face does it take to ruin a reality TV career? Roughly the same number? Cool.

Team UK thinks they won for about the same amount of time Sean was in Thailand, before TJ reminds them they’re on a show with 76 million cameras and cheating (on your girlfriend at home or at daily challenges) doesn’t ever go unnoticed. Thanks for that sexy reminder that TJ is always the baddest player in this game, though! Team USA gets their third win in a row, and as Dominic Toretto once taught me, it doesn’t matter if you win by an inch or a mile, winning is winning. Josh becomes the Speaker and takes Laurel and Zach into The Tribunal with him. That isn’t a ringing in your ears Challenge Fans – that’s an alarm going off that shit is about to go down.

Josh changing his mind for his “Strongest Player” vote is somewhat unsurprising. He can’t physically back it up by pulling a big move and putting a target on his back, so the reality of him sending in Theo is not great for his personal game. Kam points out that they did their job when it was a girl’s elimination week and sent in a strong player. Josh still doesn’t seem to realize he’s been nominated the Speaker as a test of his loyalty. Poor guy.

Team UK deliberation comes with two things I love – Daddy CT basically saying he’s not mad, he’s just disappointed, and Bear getting absolutely played by his whole ass team. When Bear was quiet for Idris to speak, but refused to stop yelling over Dee, women nowhere were even slightly phased because that is how we’re spoken to all the time. However, I about died laughing when Bear asks the Tribunal “How do you think it went?” He sucks, but I have to admit, his comedic timing is the one thing he occasionally gets right.

This is where the episode turns to absolute chaos and doesn’t look back. Part of Team USA has another chat about who to send in, and Josh sets a new land-speed record for fastest backtracking of all time. After telling his entire team that he would put Theo in, Josh changes that plan. He leaves the room and Wes is, well, Wes and immediately begins talking trash about Josh. Much like a person who runs upstairs instead of outside in a scary movie, all these big dumb idiots make a very bad choice and assume Laurel is asleep. Spoiler: she’s not. 

Because Laurel doesn’t give one single flying f*ck who she pisses off, she and Josh come up with the plan to send Wes in. Something to note; if you’re hooking up with Bear and making big game plays with Josh, you might want to consider changing at least one of those strategies. 

Laurel and Josh agree that this plan will be best served as a cold surprise, and decide not to say a word about their idea. I’m guessing Josh never quite understood “backdooring” someone on his Big Brother days, because he can’t even get through a 20 minute Team USA deliberation without almost spilling the secret. 

Bear tells Wes in front of everyone that he thinks he should volunteer himself and take Bear on in an elimination. I refuse to believe Bear actually would actually do this on his own, so I’m now completely convinced that Laurel told Bear her plan with Josh. On the off chance Wes said yes, Laurel got Wes into an elimination with out getting her hands dirty. Either way, Bear gets a TV moment out of it. 

Zach votes Theo, Laurel votes Wes with Josh, and we have the first inner team betrayal of War of the Worlds 2. 

I am genuinely surprised Bear beat Wes in this very physical elimination. I considered the possibility Wes didn’t want to return to a team full of traitors and gave up, but he could’ve  chosen to join team UK with his two loyal meatheads and his partner from last season, Dee. I assume CT would have teamed up with him too. Overall, I agree with Cara that this was a dumb, short sided move that Team USA will live to regret. Good luck with those puzzles in the final, nerds. 

That’s all she wrote kids! This is the first of what I’m guessing will be many betrayals, and we’re still waiting for the eventual elimination win team switch-a-roo. See you next week for hopefully no more interlocked toes, and a brand new Rotten Banana Recap. 

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