I should have mentioned in the beginning of this season that I was pretty much a B- kind of student growing up, and the consistency with which I would produce these recaps would probably reflect that. I didn’t write a recap for episode 6 because (humble brag in 3…2…1…) I was travelling to Atlanta for the Spartan Race and to catch up with Tony and Jemmye! Yeah I know, my life is incredibly glamorous.
A quick run down of what we missed in week 6: Despite Georgia trying to convince us otherwise, Nicole was, in fact, the weakest member of Team UK. Between her ‘minutes into seconds’ calculations, and her inability and unwillingness to complete the elimination, it was time for her to go home.
We start episode 7 with a quick conversation between Turbo and Nany, and the biggest takeaway here is that Turbo absolutely feels bad for how hard he went last season when he had to tape Nany to that chair. (Also, can these two make out already? Give the people what they want!) He says he wants to take her to a final – which is a weird way for someone in their 2nd season to talk about someone in their like, 9th season, but 2019 is a shit show anyway, why not add this on?
The group is doing facemasks together which would have been a cute scene if it weren’t for Josh’s twenty-four-seven-three-sixty-five cringy behavior. Josh is that dude who buys you a $3.00 Michelob Ultra and thinks that’s his golden ticket to hanging out with you and your hot friends all night.
(Side bar – guys if you’re doing this, stop. It’s gross, and we all talk about it.)
Jordan is shocked that no one has been doing their dishes like they don’t all have 17 glasses of prosecco before they decide to cook anything. Speaking of – I’m absolutely going to tell my husband that we have a “soul contract” at the next open bar wedding I attend. Tori talks to Ashley about how hard being in a relationship is. All I can think about here is that Ashley is a millionaire, but I’ve met girls who can’t pay their car insurance that have better extensions than she does. Jump to a quick conversation between Turbo and CT, and we’re off to the daily
Team USA argument challenge.
Producers must really need to secure the bag to pay for the rights to the music being used this season, because this challenge is #sponsored by some bottled water company. Honestly, I didn’t catch the name because it’s alarming that no one is mentioning the potential for crocodiles in this water. How can they be sure? Team USA takes the early lead. Ashley definitely stands out during this challenge because she does a great job leading Team USA by being a (mostly) positive voice as they all wade through the water, and also because she looks incredible in her confessionals. Round two is where it all begins to fall apart, and it seems to line up with Ninja stepping in as the voice of the team. I find her incredibly annoying as well y’all, but I don’t think she deserved the verbal assault she received from multiple members of her team. It’s amazing to me that people who have been doing these shows for so long have not yet figured out how to effectively communicate with people they don’t like. Ugh, whatever, Team USA wins this one too.
For some reason, winning = fighting, and Team USA gets into a bunch of arguments. Turbo looks like Dwight Schrute trying to get his black belt and starts roundhouse kicking the relics, even after other people pick them up & put them back. This leads to a confrontation between Jordan and Turbo that takes us basically through the remainder of the episode. I know this is supposed to be dramatic and exciting but ultimately, it’s a couple of touchy men comparing d*ck sizes.
Speaking of dicks, in Team UK’s deliberation Bear is quick to nominate Rogan, and then becomes completely mind blown when Rogan says his name in return. Granted, there doesn’t seem to be a lot going on up there anyway, but how is this so confusing for you Bear? Esther masterfully calls out Kyle, CT and Idris in the same breath. Kyle tells Rogan via a confessional, “You’re not gonna die, mate” and that should probably be the new tagline for the whole show. “The Challenge 34: War of the Worlds 2; You’re not gonna die, mate.” CT points out that he and Idris are the swing vote, and it’s about time he starts getting something in return for living between these two alliances. I wish CT and Idris should had just voted for each other and sent all these geeks into an absolute frenzy.
My favorite part of this whole situation is that Turbo becomes absolutely convinced he can just change the rules of the game. He wants to go in against Jordan and for some reason thinks he can walk up to the Proving Ground and be like “here’s how its going to go TJ.”
The night out at the bar and the boat excursion can be summed up in the same sentence. Jordan and Turbo need to move on from their very dumb fight in order for Team USA to continue to do well in this game, and its Tori’s issue to deal with. If you’re a woman, you probably rolled your eyes at Tori having to take responsibility for these ridiculous men and their anger issues & egos – and I’m with you sister. I have to imagine that if Jordan didn’t have Tori riding with him this season, he might have gone home on the next flight after Wes or Bananas.
There’s a conversation between Bear and Georgia. It’s a lot like their other conversations. There isn’t much to report. Look – you try and write about their wanna-be Joker & Harley Quinn relationship week after week and pretend like it’s interesting all the damn time.
We’re back at the proving ground, where Joss somewhat surprisingly gets sent in. Team USA unanimously votes for him, and Nany says she’s happy the tribunal is finally all voting together like she wasn’t the odd vote out in last week’s trio. A flashback scene shows that Turbo and Jordan made up, and I had a realization about Turbo and his oddly sensitive behavior. Turbo is the most recent champion but he’s also a rookie on his team. He wants to be respected like all other Challenge Champions, but Jordan has a hell of a resume of his own and wasn’t around for Turbo’s win. It’s complicated.
So Joss gets called in on his day off and goes into Hall Brawl 2.0 with Bear. Bear manages to trip him up on one round, but Joss rings the bell first on every other round. Bear is going home, but the real loser here is Georgia. It can’t be easy to watch Bear and Nicole ago home in back to back weeks.
Now that the teams have been trimmed down to pretty solid competitors, big names are going to continue go home week after week. We’re about at the midway point of the season, and I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for someone to switch teams after winning an elimination. It’s what we deserve!
See you next week for a (hopefully) more timely Challenge recap! If you’re interested in a double dose of my fairly average sense of humor, make sure you’re subscribed to the Rotten Banana podcast! This week, along with our regular recap, we’ll be interviewing Rogan O’Connor so stay subscribed!